Move Toward What you Want
I've experienced two situations recently that exemplify the need for us to focus on and move toward what we want instead of what we don't want.
Situation #1: Our family is packed to go skiing. All members are ready except our daughter who has decided that she doesn't want to go. She is throwing her self dramatically on the floor or pouting on a bed, moving her way around the house complaining while other family members are moving around with finishing touches. My husband decides to wait it out, meaning just to watch her, be with her, and occasionally try to persuade her to get moving. After about an hour of this, I figure out that this isn't helping. Since the other members of the family are ready to go, we'll go transition to the car. I told her we'd like her to come out soon so we can get on the road--her dad and I wanted to stop for drinks (coffee/smoothie type drinks) along the way and we'd better get to it. We all went outside and no more than 5 minutes later, she showed up with all her ski gear on, ready to go.
Situation #2: Hotels with children. I'm probably not alone in saying that hotels excite my kids. They would really stay up most the night watching TV and bouncing from one bed to the other if it were up to them. In the past, I'd engage in some weird power struggle that would really result in me almost losing it like some crazy person... no one acts sane when exhausted. So... this time, instead of nagging my kids and trying to make them go to sleep. I simply moved toward what I wanted. I went to sleep. I did have my husband there so that did affect the dynamic a bit, but I took my anxious self out of the equation. I simply did my bed time routine, told them good night, put a pillow over my head and went to sleep. I can't sleep when I'm focused on my kids so I focused elsewhere and went to sleep nearly straight away. My husband and the kids went to bed shortly after. I choose not to worry about it and took steps toward something I wanted... I had total control over what I did so I focused only there. The second night in the hotel, my husband and I were more on the same page. Everyone got ready for bed together (the bed time routine) and the TV was off, lights out together and we all went to bed at the kids bed time. The point is not to battle and feed into what you don't want, but to simply gracefully move toward what you want.
I'm going to experiment with this... doing this as much as possible and we'll see how it goes.
Candice M jones
Thank you for the classes you offered at simply your best. The tools you gave for us to use while communicating with the other parent(s) not all of us are married yet...(right?)There are some things that i still continue and need to practice in order to stay healthy and be a fit parent with both son and daughter. After two-three years, I looked back on the assignments that were completed and was able to see what areas on my end needed cleaning up, and perhaps where I had fallen back into old patterns of responding to the other parent what i still needed to work on and where I could still improve.Now I have two children one turning four and the other 6 months.two different fathers, two diffrent schedules, and several dynamics. How do I please them all...??? I am interested in learning how to parent two and do it gracefullly...thanks a million. -Candice J.